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Cathy * Ann

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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2009|11:34 am]
Cathy * Ann
I AM SO BORED AT COLLEGE.

SUNY NEW PALTZ = THE MOST DULL PLACE ON EARTH.
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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2008|07:13 pm]
Cathy * Ann
 i've given up on finding love. 




& i cant wait to live the most amazing single life ever. 
Im going to travel the world, write books, meet people, and maybe adopt someday. 
Being in a relationship really just isn't for me...not to say i cant make a commitment, but i just can never picture myself dating anyone again...and i mean that in the least depressing way as possible. 
Im pretty good company. If brooke davis can do it, why cant i?

so im thinking  when im older maybe ill travel to vegas like h.thompson and trip throughout the car ride and eventually write a book about it. 
nice.
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2008|10:54 pm]
Cathy * Ann

Mike told one of our friends that "he'd date me again if i started acting like the way i did before college."
FUCK THAT.

that one statement has caused me to completely block him out of my life.  I mean im sure if i wanted to i could go home this weekend & hangout with him.. and than drive to the beach or wherever else i can temporarily run away to.. but that's ridiculous. 
ive spent the last few months trying to run away from myself when i should have been standing up for myself & fighting. 

fuck this asshole. i hate him. i cant believe people still like him, congratulations you're friends w a rapist and a lunatic. have fun with that one.

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(no subject) [Jan. 28th, 2008|06:09 pm]
Cathy * Ann
i went home this weekend to be with my closest cousin, nicole, at her sweet 16. 
before my dad dropped my  brother & i off at the bus station, he told me how disappointed he is of how irrisponsible i am with my money, school work, and life. After working my ass off every day ,all break long, and coming home to support one of my closest family members, i was so hurt to be told that im just one big disappointment. i've never felt so low in my life. 

my dad keeps calling but right now i refuse to talk to him. he also keeps apologizing for making me cry as i got on the bus back to school. What an ass, im working my butt off not for myself, but to make him and my mother proud. No matter what i do though, i feel as if i wont be as smart as chris or as hardworking as danny. The truth is am fucking smart as hell and i work my ass off every day...but i just wasent a genious in high school and i also didnt have horrible grades & suddenly made a huge change in my life. I was always just in the middle, doing fine, and working constantly. It just sucks to know that my dad still isnt proud of me. I used to be afraid to go home because i was hurt by mike but now my own fucking father is the one that's putting me down. i just dont know what to do..im scared of what he may do if i keep ignoring his phone calls.

btw, things with the love life are going well. By well, i mean that nothing is happening at all besides me getting over mike. Therefor, im not getting hurt by another jackass and im not missing the previous jackass either. There is a kid named tom here who likes me alot but im sorry tom, i am in no shape or form ready to be in a relationship. He said he'd wait until i was ready, but honestly being single until the 'ditch it and hitch it 30 plan'  kicks in, sounds pretty perfect to me.

nikki visits me in 2 weeks =]
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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2008|06:23 pm]
Cathy * Ann
all i wanted this winter break was to find out some answers. I wanted to know if he really meant what he did, if he hated me, if he was sorry, and if there was hope. I called him last night and he didnt answer. One of my friends told me that if he doesnt want to contact me to talk about everything, than maybe he really did want to hurt me & rather than call him to try to force an apology, i should just try my best to learn from it. Last night one of my friends saw him at a new years eve party and  said how sad he looked. I did feel bad that he wasent enjoying himself last night which sparked my non stop phone calls to him. All i wanted to do was wish him a happy new year.. and now im wondering why  i care. If he didnt mean to do what he did than he would call me back and try to atleast maintain a friendship. He wouldnt be hiding out from me and all of our friends. So on that note, because its a new year, and because ive been neglecting to give myself the self respect that i deserve, im done chasing after him. 

so thats it.. im done with this.
GOODBYE 2007. 

HELLO 2008.
a year that going to be full of partying, happiness, working hard, friendship, family, and love. =]
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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2007|05:43 pm]
Cathy * Ann
 i went to church today and the priest told me that i should have never  gone to see a psychologist because all they do is blame your problems on other people and other things. i wish i spoke to him before i gave mike that letter. he wont call me back or anything even thoigh his friends have been begging him to. 
i know that what i did to myself was wrong, i should have never hurt myself but i was so hurt and no one would listen. now that im home again all of those depressing feelings are coming back.  i hate myself again. this place drives me crazy, theres no way i can live here for 3 months this summer. ive been here for 1 week and i already want to kill myself. 
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praying [Dec. 23rd, 2007|08:36 pm]
Cathy * Ann

please call me back.

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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2007|12:20 pm]
Cathy * Ann
 how am  supposed to get over you if in my dreams you'e always saying how much you love me?
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(no subject) [Dec. 6th, 2007|06:22 pm]
Cathy * Ann
Why did you let me let you go?

I need you and I don't care if that's wrong..I need you.
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2007|10:46 am]
Cathy * Ann
today is your last chance.
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